a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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