The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
