So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
