Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
