I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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