Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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