the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
