Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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