I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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