Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize