I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
