No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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