I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
