i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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