why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
