Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
