and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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