Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
