Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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