omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
