he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
