Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
