I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
