Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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