she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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