Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
