So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize