my mouth tastes like poor choices
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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