U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i barfeds in our rink
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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