Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize