I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I deserve this hangover.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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