Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
