girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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