It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
