Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
