I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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