I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
