yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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