Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
