Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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