Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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