I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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