i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
