yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
