During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Randomize
