Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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