She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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