after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
