i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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