FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
