Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
