I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
