1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
