TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
