So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize