left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize