under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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