At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize