I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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