My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
