so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
