I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
