Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
