i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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