Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
