I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
